Self-Compassion for Self-Improvement

With the rise of AI and the how prevalent it is right now and going into the future, it’s more important than ever to remind ourselves that we are human and that it’s okay to make mistakes and have setbacks along the way. That is how we learn and grow. That’s where self-compassion comes in.

Self-compassion essentially means treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support that you would offer to a good friend. It involves acknowledging and accepting your shortcomings and failures without judgment or criticism.

If you feel like you are plateauing in your professional career, self-compassion can be exactly what you need to as an emotional regulation strategy that can neutralize negative emotions and promote positive states of mind.

In the research I have done, self-compassion comprises of self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness. We can often be overly critical of our own work to the extent of negatively impacting our performance. That is where self-kindness comes in. Being kind and understanding of yourself in instances of pain or failure, rather than being harshly self critical.

We can either treat ourselves with kindness or judgement. We can see our experience as shared or in isolation. We can relate to our suffering as mindfully observing it or get overly invested in it.

When we accept painful experiences with self kindness we are better able to experience pain rationally and calmly rather than with self-criticism and frustration. Remember, suffering is part of the universal human experience rather than a personal affliction.

Self-compassion allows you to see things as they are and be accountable and increasingly responsible. If not properly understood this can sound like an excuse for poor results. Remember, you can both be kind and challenging. You can have extremely high standards and at the same time be honest with yourself about who you are and the mistakes you made. Only with this full picture of yourself can you change what needs to be fixed.

There was a great TED talk by Mark Rober about perceiving mistakes differently in a term he coined (pun intended) – The Super Mario Effect: Focusing on the Princess and not the pits, to stick with a task and learn more. A fascinating study of how perception can impact performance. Definitely worth a watch: The Super Mario Effect – Tricking Your Brain into Learning More | Mark Rober | TEDxPenn

So lets stop being tough, and do the tough thing of feeling our feelings and processing them. Then go about the business of deciding what to do with them and how to perform at our best.

And remember if you want to be better, be kind to yourself.

Some great resources can also be found here if you would like to learn more about Self-Compassion: https://self-compassion.org/

Happy project managing! 🙂